Lyle Shnubz, “I don’t want to get a real job!”

 I play fuckin’ video games on YouTube!  What else can I do?  Hell, I work out of my clothes closet!  I’ve played each game at least twice, making different shitty comments each time.  Hell, I’m planning on Morrowind Mondays 5.  Thank fuck, each time a new expansion pack comes out, I get another chance at tapping into that sweet ad revenue sharing stream!  Maybe if my girlfriend would put out the pussy more often, I would not have to be streaming Fallout 3 for the fourth time!  I ain’t working at Cracker Barrel for $10/hour hauling Early Bird dinners to a bunch of old fucking geezwhacks!  I also ain’t working as a Kwik Stop Habib selling cigs, sodas and vape pens.  BTW, my fucking girlfriend could get off the damned couch and get a damned job also!  Well, I’m firing up Oblivion for the 3rd time so that I can squeeze at least 225 episodes out of it.  My rents due, my 2001 Kia needs work and there is only sliced cheese, bread and Mountain Dew in the icebox.  Time to pull out the couch be in this efficiency shithole and try and get some pussy before I get a few hours sleep.  

Get Shnubz out of the clothes closet, PLEASE!

 For only $10/ month, you can get Lyly Shnubz out of his closet where he’s doing live streaming of all his games.  Even his girlfriend has to share the closet with her computer!  What the hell do you expect Shnubz to do?  Get a job at Buc-ee’s selling BBQ sammiches and kolaches?  For only $10/month, you’ll get an 8x10 glossy of Shnubz and his witty monthly newsletter.  What do you expect him to do?  Stay in that efficiency apartment with his girlfriend and his entire Goodwill wardrobe?  Won’t you fucking help him please?  Send $10 or more to Get Shnubz out of the clothes closet.  All donations are, unfortunately, not tax deductible.

Ben Tavares, CSI (Chief Shitter Investigator)

 Ben Tavares, former head of maintenance at Central State University when I was a graduate student there in 1975.  A pure racial hire, as all he did was drive around in his Dodge truck fucking off and harassing student and permanent workers.  Tavares had three main rules:  Keepa da floors buffed, the trash cans empty, and the shitter paper roles filled.  Tavares was well known for his cost cutting skills.  He was the first, and the last, to require half ply toilet paper in all university crappers.  After numerous complaints from Deans, Department Chairs and the President himself,  Tavares went back to two ply toilet paper in the crappers. Tavares also had a policy for female staff and students to use only “two squares per pud”, which again was short lived.  It was later discovered that Tavares owned a shitter paper plant in Juarez, paying shit wages and using child labor. 

Tavares also removed all feminine product machines from toilets as he said, “De pud pads chokka de toilets “.  Again, Tavares was called on the carpet, but again trumpeted his Hispanic heritage.  Ben Tavares could be found at any Taco Bell in the Edmond area or any all you can eat Mexican cafeteria.  Ben managed to hang on for several years as he probably had compromised photos of the University staff.  When Ben Tavares finally moved to his next position, he could say with pride, “ The shitters always flushed”.  Many people were looking for Ben Tavares, but he faded into janitorial history.  He probably went back to Mexico to manage his half ply shitter paper factory and get many contracts from prisons, schools and nut houses.  He also developed a hand cleaning machine that would dispense one drop of soap when your fingers naturally went through the half ply paper.  To this day, at Central State University, each female toilet still has a faded plaque with his immortal words, “Two pieces per pud”.

Texas Needs to stay Conservative

Just voted today, straight conservative, Red Wave, ticket.  Damned liberal socialists, with Hollywood and NYC money, are trying to destroy our way of life here in Texas.  I moved to Texas to get away from the liberals and bullshitters in Palm Beach County, Florida.  I literally hate liberals, they need to stay in their own areas, like the NorthEast and the West Coast.  America needs to stand strong, patriotic and conservative against the liberals, who's main agenda is the destruction of our country.  It makes me sad that I have to put up with liberalism in my own home, from having to have my meals while someone reads a rag like the NY Times in front of me!  NBC News, running rampant in my home, with the bullshitter Lester Holt, that lying piece of shit, spouting his liberal lies.
Well, I actually pray that this election year of 2018 supports our President and our country.

Liberal Socialists Are Destroying our Country!

Listening to Periscope, this is truly a comedy network.  Anyone, including me, have gone on Periscope to air any and all views.  I was scoping, for 5 times, the pleasures of watching "Twin Peaks" and the use of my favorite computer operating system, OS/2.
I have been watching/listening to the destruction of our country by left-wing liberal, socialists/fascists.  The destruction of our national history, the smearing of national statues and monuments is just like the Nazis in Germany in the 1930's.  What will be next: book burning?  This country is headed for a civil war, in which true American patriots will take up their arms and fight against the Democrat/Socialists who are trying to destroy our country.
It makes me sick to my stomach that my friends and even relatives believe in the Democrat/Socialist Party and they, themselves, vote for the destruction of our country!
God has to intervene and help true Americans take back their country from the Left and Muslims who are destroying our values and culture.

Twin Peaks:The Return, Part 14

Just watched this last night, and was amazed at how much of the stuff is starting to come together!  The biggest reveal was that Jayne-E is Diane's half-sister!  That now puts Gordon and Albert on the road to Las Vegas to find Cooper.  Another great answer, was the importance of Jackrabbit's Palace, and the entry of Andy into the Lodge, the Purple Room.  The appearance of the blind Oriental girl and the knowledge that now everyone in the Twin Peaks Sheriff's office knows about the vortex, is really a game changer.
Can't wait for Geri to return home from Mobile, so that we can watch it together!

Well, here I am again, posting from OS/2.  Still sickuh the rikkuh!  Just smoked my second macanudo tonight, and going to Total Wine tomorrow to get some more Churchills.  I like them.  Drinking a Rusty Nail as I write.  Just heard that the rikkuh had a bloody nose, why does she have to have them all the time?  I am trying to cope with this shit in my life, and it is very hard.  I am listening to Twin Peaks podcasts and watching the show on Showtime.  It is becoming my second favorite thing to watch after Trailer Park Boys!  No one seems to give  a shit about me, here I am alone and typing on my blog.  I don't really know what the hell I am doing here anymore.  The only pleasures that I have are drinking and smoking my cigars and pipe.  I have set up my OS/2 desktne op and printer and all is working great, until my wife comes home!  I don't have a  goddamned friend to my name, El Jumbo is working all the time and every time they call to come over, the rikkuh is there, so shit, I don't want to come.  The only real friends that I seem to have are Ron and Linda, the ones that we went to Waco with , alone, no rikkuh!
I don't know what the hell I am going to do around here,, Happy is my only little buddy.  I just got my computer set up so that I can have a place to write and get on the Internet.
Well, some things are going to have to change, and I hope for the better.  If anyone reads this blog, then please help me get throught this dark chapter of my life.  I love my wife and grandkids and children, I want to be a part of their lives.

Well, just got back from the doctor and he advised me to talk about my feelings!  Well, I am totally sickuh, the riccuh!  The riccuh is so damned wrinkled, she can hold a three day rain!  Just a little background on the riccuh.  She is a complete POS, bothering me to no end, and schlepping around like an alte cacher.  So goddamned tired of her and her South Florida style. 
My life is in total turmoil because of the riccuh!  I cannot even stand to sit at the table, I do not even want to look across the table at her puss!  Just a little background:  I was stupid enough to let her come into my home, and

The Old-Time Hebrew Gospel Hour

What would Shabbas be without Rebbe Schumli Goldbaumvitchstein's rousing, foot-stomping "Old Time Hebrew Gospel Hour".  Join the Rebbe and friends for some good ol' Hebrew gospel, starring those bright lights of Hebrew gospel; The Klezmer Stompers singing their greatest hits, including "Go Tell it on the Temple Mount", "The Old Rugged Star", and many others.  Zaide Yhitzak pounds out the zither with his famous Hebrew Gospel standard, " Gebt Mir Dein Alte Uhr Shabbat", come on, sing it with him!
So, put your timers on the lights, the TV, the oven, the radio, the automatic toilet flusher, and sit, don't stand or move, and enjoy "The Old-Time Hebrew Gospel Hour"!

Well, it is January 7, 2015.  Geri and I survived another year.  2014 was not good.  It started out with my father, Bill, passing away on February 18th.  Then, Geri's father passed away on March 20th.  It was tough, as my step-father Jess had passed away in December, 2013.
After all the tragedies, we did have some points of light. Geri's son got married, we added two grandchildren; a boy in Oklahoma and a little girl in Alabama.  In fact, we are thinking of going to Oklahoma for Lauren's birthday, January 11th.
My brother just called this morning, my mother was hospitalized.  We might have to go up there and see what is going on.  Mother is 85, with dementia, and other problems.  I really cannot take any more funerals this year.
BTW, I was diagnosed with cancer on my birthday, July 14th.  I had surgery one month later, and underwent radiation therapy that lasted until November.
Christmas and Hanukkah were lucky respites from all of the drama that was the first part of the years.  Geri, Happy and I are looking forward to a much better year for 2015.
Our friends in South Florida, hopefully, will have a good year.  Brother Evan, still in the salt mines of West Boca HS, is still out there punching in the teaching game.  Alan and Linda Diskin got married and are having a great time.  Alan Knight is still with Bridget, and working at Paradise Bank and doing his weekly radio show on WWNN.
Well, hopefully my next posting will be a lot more comical.  Have to get back to my sarcastic self.
Hope all of my friends and followers have a great New Year for 2015!

It's Almost Hanukkah Y'all!

Well, just sitting here thinking about some Hanukkah songs for the party next week.  I am usually a font of ideas, but this one is a little tougher.  One idea is; "It's Beginning to look a lot like Hanuakkah", sung to the tune of "It's Beginning to look a lot like Christmas".  Well, I have some of the lines, but not the complete tune.  Humor me here:

    It's Beginning to look a lot like Hanukkah!  Everywhere you go.
    There's no tree in the Grand Hotel, no tree in the park, as well.
    No lights, no decorations and no snow!

    It's Beginning to look a lot like Hanukkah!  Eight days of toys in store.
    Frying latkes on the stove, sour cream doled out in droves,
    And applesauce and ketchup by the score.

That's about as far as I got on this one.  However, my faithful readers should know that I have not stopped trying on others.  Perhaps one will come to me.  How about a classic Christmas song, redone for Hanukkah?  Here is a classic, done to the tune, "I'll Be Home for Christmas".

     I'll be home for Hanukkah.  You can count on me.
     There'll be no snow, no mistletoe, eight presents, but no tree.
     The menorah lights will find me, where the Hanukkah light beams.
     I'll be home for Hanukkah and then we both can dream.

Well, that is about it for now.  Have to get some more ideas.  Rabbi, feel free to take these songs, expand on them, and perhaps, let the Kidz Choir have a go at them!
 

Happy New Year 2011

Well, it is the new year, and the old Count is starting off on a new foot. I have made the resolutions, and what is more, I am keeping them! My posts might be a little tamer, but still sarcastic and, hopefully, still witty.
Mrs. Count, myself, and the dachshund, are all set to go see out little grand-daughter in OK. The three day drive is out of control! Hope that the weather co-operates with us. We will be staying with my good friends that I haven't seen in a long time. That will save us considerable money, which is a good thing.
Well, looks like our icebox is giving up the ghost, and we are looking for a new freezer-less icebox. Looks like another expense, OY!
With that last expression, I must mention that Neil Rogers, a beloved South Florida talk show host passed on Christmas Eve. He will be missed. I started listening to Uncle Neil in 1987, the year I came to "paradise", NOT!
Well, this will be short, but hopefully I will post more regularly. This is my venting option, so I should be here more often in the future(considering my resolutions are waiting to burst out).
All my friends, family and outlaws, a Happy New Year!

Saturn Retailer "Jim Phillips" speaks!

You remember me from my last post, don't ya? Well, this time the damned company went OUT OF BUSINESS! No more commercials, no more cars, no more paychecks! What the hell am I supposed to do now? Be the coffee machine man for a Lexus dealership? Hell, at least they are still in business! Brother Evan is right, we need to "split some wigs up in here" and damn fast! This country is going to hell in a Chinese-made handbasket! Hell, maybe Tyler Perry can use me and my family for his next sitcom! Brother Evan has said that he who hesitates isn't going anywhere fast, or some crap like that. You know, Brother Evan changed my life since I started listening to his show. Just yesterday, he called asking for a donation! Donation my ass! I can't even make MY Saturn payment, those bastards are repossessing my new Saturn Aura as we speak! What the hell!
Brother Evan needs money to continue his "ministry" but I'll be damned if I can even give him one dime! He needs money, badly! Listen to the Brother Evan Show on any right-wing radio station in your area, shouldn't be hard, since that is all there is, at around any time(they have a habit of time-shifting his show a lot). Become an advertiser for Brother Evan. Hell, Saturn used to be one, no look at what happened to them! Brother Evan is going to be hosting his own "moneython" on HSN/QVC shortly. Make sure you call often. Praise Brother Evan's Unholy Name! Remember, you can find Brother Evan wherever there is an all-you-can-eat buffett, preferably Chinese, in your area. Brother Evan rarely gets out of the B-D-B Habitatal Area for fear of being pounced on for his views, Praise His Unholy Name! If you happen to see a 10 year old Camry going by, just wave, it might be Brother Evan. He was thinking of going American, but said they are all crap anyway! What the hell? Brother Evan supports our troops around the world, albeit without having served himself, and is a huge supporter of our former VP, Dick Cheney. Brother Evan is starting a Cheney for President site soon, and will, of course, be asking for donations! Brother Evan promises that at LEAST 5% will go to Cheney with the rest going for Brother Evan's massive overhead, hey, he has to make a living also!
Well, got to go service those Keurig machines in the Lexus dealer. Damn, wish I could afford one!

What the Saturn Retailer Really Said!

You all have seen the commercial with "Jim Phillips" the Saturn retailer since 2001. Turn off the sound and you will know what he is really saying:
"I've been a fuckin' Saturn dealer since 2001, and now GM says that they are gonna shut this division down? Fuck dat! What the hell am I gonna do? I haven't had a customer since the damn Cash For Clunkers ran out! Even then, I was only doing about four cars a week. Do you know how hard it is to unload a 1974 Buick 225? I got a wife and five kids. Somebody better start buyin' this shit, or else I'm goin' TU! I got bills to pay! I haven't paid my mortgage in over a year!
If someone doesn't start buying these fuckin' POS's, then I'm gonna have to start splittin' some wigs up in here."
"I fully agree with Brother Evan, I'm a dedicated listener and I am ON THE WALL with Brother Evan! Shit, Brother Evan, how 'bout buyin' one of my Saturn's instead of keepin' that POS Toyota Camry!"
Stay tuned for further updates on Jim Phillips Saturn.

Friday's Brother Evan Show

Join Brother Evan today as he rants at these goddamn Socialist, Marxist, Trotskyite, Progressive, Liberal Bastards! Today Brother Evan quotes from the scriptures of Jonah Goldberg, Praise his unholy name! Brother Evan also rants about that damn Socialist, Progressive, Margaret Sanger, who led the Nazi movement further down the road of depravity. Condoms, birth control pills, the morning after pills, all instruments of the DEVIL! Praise his unholy name! Join Brother Evan this weekend at any Tea Party, without the tea and scones, in Palm Beach/Broward Counties. Join Brother Evan is screaming, ranting and shouting down anybody that wants to actually speak about the TOPIC at these meetings! Brother Evan cannot do this work alone, my friends, he needs your support. So this weekend, take the kids, Bubbe, and the whole fandamly to Delray Indoor Gun Range and Sales and have a real family weekend of fun! Shoot at your favorite politician on a paper target, or bring your own favorite photo of someone you hate, and they will silkscreen it for you! While there, have some hot dogs and diet sodas, don't forget to enter the "all you can eat hot dog contest" for only $10 extra, and buy a gun for each member of the family. Discount rates for kids under 5! For each dollar spent at Delray Indoor Gun Range, they will donate .05 to The Brother Evan Show. So, goddamnit, buy or eat something! Sign petitions for: Birthers, Deathers, Tenthers, or any other organization of your choice. Each participant gets a wallet-sized copy of the Bill of Right, don't worry, it only has the Second and Tenth Amendments. Those other Marxist, Socialist, Trotskyite, Progressive Amendments don't mean a thing! Who needs free speech when you have a gun and can secede from the Union! Brother Evan will be speaking in Austin, TX next month, supporting the Texas governor in wanting to break up Texas into five states! With those 10 more Republican senators, we can take back this country and make it safe for people like us! Praise Brother Evan, praise his unholy name! Special rates at the Austin Super 8, $250 a night with free continental breakfast with Brother Evan, but not too early!
Stay tuned for more details of the next Brother Evan Show, coming to a low-power AM station near you, really near, as these damn transmitters only have a range of 1 mile! Set one up in your garage/attic and become part of the Brother Evan Network Family, franchise information is available. Brother Evan ain't doin' this crap for free!

Last Kennedy Gone

I can remember as a kid in elementary school seeing President Kennedy inaugurated and always on some news conferences. Then, one day, while home from school sick, saw him killed. I called my mother at work, they did not know, and the people there turned on the radio and listened.
I also remember seeing Robert Kennedy shot in LA, and thinking that this family has some curse.
Now, today, hearing that Ted Kennedy is gone, there are no longer any Kennedy members that link me to my past. Things go on, people die, events disappear in the mists of time. I feel a little older today. As figures from my past disappear, I wonder, when will my time come to just disappear.

Those Marxist, Socialist Bastards!

Join today's Brother Evan Show where he rants about those Socialist, Marxist Bastards, who, under the aegis of Barney Frank, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, got special low interest loans to buy homes/condos/workforce housing that they couldn't afford in the first place! Damn these Marxists who, unlike good working Americans who have to get conventional loans, secure government program loans! Damn these Marxist/Trotskyites/Socialists who find themselves in a crack now, have to, again, look to the government to help "bail" them out with loan revisions!
Join Brother Evan in taking these people to task! These Marxist bloodsuckers who take advantage of the system! Praise Brother Evan! Praise his unholy name! Join Brother Evan, after the commercials of course, in signing a pledge never to participate in such Marxist loan programs. Brother Evan has said before that he would rather live in a refrigerator carton than take this kind of loan money! Catch Brother Evan on Fox News being interviewed in front of said Marxist housing, cursing the people who live there! Must see TV! Tomorrow: Brother Evan rants about "Death Panels" and how they REALLY are real, really they are! Don't let Bubbe be put out of her misery! Hey, Brother Evan ain't makin' this crap up!

Up Late with a terrible headache

Just on the computer listening to WABC streaming radio, another "conservative" mouthpiece. Why am I listening, can't stream Joey Reynolds on WOR! Have to figure out how to get their proprietary streaming software to work on Ubuntu. As to this Ubuntu, am loving it! After using OS/2 since 1993, I am completely in love with Ubuntu Linux. It has everything OS/2 had, the best of Windows(if there are any!) and the ease of operation that allows me to do anything I want with this operating system. Hey, it is FREE! Just for ease of operation, I have it on all the computers, including the old Dell laptop, Inspiron 1000. Geri even has it, albeit with an XP partition, strictly for work compatibility.
Back to the headache. Since my old injuries and the other disabilities, when one of these nerve pinching headaches starts, nothing short of the Vicodin and my anti-anxiety meds has any effect. The damn thing has a life of its own, it will last a week, then go away for a few months. Geri bought me a Tempur-Pedic pillow, which helps a great deal. After a week of the meds and basically being immobile as much as possible, the headache abates. Being on the computer, reading the newsgroups and interacting with the FB account, and of course this blog, helps focus my mind on something else besides the pain.
The amount of medications that I have to take since the breakdown is just getting ridiculous. I am having to break in half the anti-depressant in order to make it last longer. The reason for this is that it is not on the damn formulary and has an enormous co-pay. We are using part of my disability insurance check to help pay for Geri's dental work. That money was part of my school board benefit, long term disability, and I am damn glad that I had it, if finally paid off after all of those years as carrying it as an option on the health plan. It will run out next year, and hopefully it will last long enough for Geri to get her dental work completed. Getting older is a bitch!
I am so proud of Geri's weight loss program, she is only four pounds from her goal and has reduced her diabetic meds a lot! I love her so much, and I want her around for a long time! She looks great and is feeling great!
We are getting ready to start our preparations for going to Enid for the birth of our second grandchild. Looks like we will have to drive, takes three days just to get to OK! We will take Marco, our coolers of drinks, chips, fruit, and other foods to be as self-sufficient as possible. It makes me feel very good that Brooke wants Geri to be there instead of her real mother. Brooke loves Geri and thinks of her as her real mom. I hope that we can get there before the baby is born, but you know kids, when they get ready to come, they will not wait for us to get there from Florida!
Well, back to the newsgroups, emails and listening to internet radio. Hopefully in about two hours these meds will kick in and I can actually go to sleep without laying there miserable.
Tomorrow is laundry day, yeah! How can two people have so damn much laundry? That is for another day and another topic/rant.

Brain Droppings on Sunday Afternoon

Just had the hurricane shutters taken off one of the sliding doors. What we won't do for our little boy, Marco! He was depressed by the darkness and by not being able to go out and do his business on his little courtyard "yard". As I write this, he is in his little sheepskin "mattress" by my side. Has anyone ever had a pet that "glued" themselves to you so much? That is the nature of dachshunds.
I wrote a "comedy" routine this morning while drinking my coffee. I emailed it out to a couple of my friends. I said that I should have been a comedy writer instead of a teacher, more money, less mental/physical stress. Of course, I didn't say "comedian" because as a teacher, that was what I was all those years, just keeping the "audience" laughing and not rushing the "stage" for an hour.
My friends, Brother Evan and Big n' RICH are reading my blog, I need to get more "face time" with the general public, but you have to start somewhere!
I am trying to get Brother Evan his own radio show, 30 minutes would be all he could afford on a station. Don't know how he would get his "message" out having to use 25 of the 30 minutes shilling with commercials and only 2-3 minutes of psycho phone calls! "And now, Brother Evan, praise his unholy name!" "But first, a word from the "Conservative Alte Cacher Buffett. All the food you can shovel in your puss. Of course, all the food is on the "Right" side of the building, along with the seating! Tell'em Brother Evan sent you and get .10 off with a coupon printed off the web. Praise his unholy name!" Am in the process of writing the first "script" for the Brother Evan Show. As usual, all donations accepted! Large bills only, NO CHANGE!

Evan,
No comments on the old cars? Looks like your "bullet points" were taken verbatim from some source, maybe the Internet?
You need to become a "follower of the blog" to see the constant updates. Look on the right side of the blog and become a follower, then you can see the daily posts and comment on them in real time.
I wrote the "Ballad of ?" this morning while drinking coffee. I will email it to you. This will be an off blog email. Don't feel too depressed today, just because it is Sunday. I always felt that way on Sunday night, knowing what was coming the next morning.