Well, here I am again, posting from OS/2.  Still sickuh the rikkuh!  Just smoked my second macanudo tonight, and going to Total Wine tomorrow to get some more Churchills.  I like them.  Drinking a Rusty Nail as I write.  Just heard that the rikkuh had a bloody nose, why does she have to have them all the time?  I am trying to cope with this shit in my life, and it is very hard.  I am listening to Twin Peaks podcasts and watching the show on Showtime.  It is becoming my second favorite thing to watch after Trailer Park Boys!  No one seems to give  a shit about me, here I am alone and typing on my blog.  I don't really know what the hell I am doing here anymore.  The only pleasures that I have are drinking and smoking my cigars and pipe.  I have set up my OS/2 desktne op and printer and all is working great, until my wife comes home!  I don't have a  goddamned friend to my name, El Jumbo is working all the time and every time they call to come over, the rikkuh is there, so shit, I don't want to come.  The only real friends that I seem to have are Ron and Linda, the ones that we went to Waco with , alone, no rikkuh!
I don't know what the hell I am going to do around here,, Happy is my only little buddy.  I just got my computer set up so that I can have a place to write and get on the Internet.
Well, some things are going to have to change, and I hope for the better.  If anyone reads this blog, then please help me get throught this dark chapter of my life.  I love my wife and grandkids and children, I want to be a part of their lives.

Well, just got back from the doctor and he advised me to talk about my feelings!  Well, I am totally sickuh, the riccuh!  The riccuh is so damned wrinkled, she can hold a three day rain!  Just a little background on the riccuh.  She is a complete POS, bothering me to no end, and schlepping around like an alte cacher.  So goddamned tired of her and her South Florida style. 
My life is in total turmoil because of the riccuh!  I cannot even stand to sit at the table, I do not even want to look across the table at her puss!  Just a little background:  I was stupid enough to let her come into my home, and

The Old-Time Hebrew Gospel Hour

What would Shabbas be without Rebbe Schumli Goldbaumvitchstein's rousing, foot-stomping "Old Time Hebrew Gospel Hour".  Join the Rebbe and friends for some good ol' Hebrew gospel, starring those bright lights of Hebrew gospel; The Klezmer Stompers singing their greatest hits, including "Go Tell it on the Temple Mount", "The Old Rugged Star", and many others.  Zaide Yhitzak pounds out the zither with his famous Hebrew Gospel standard, " Gebt Mir Dein Alte Uhr Shabbat", come on, sing it with him!
So, put your timers on the lights, the TV, the oven, the radio, the automatic toilet flusher, and sit, don't stand or move, and enjoy "The Old-Time Hebrew Gospel Hour"!

Well, it is January 7, 2015.  Geri and I survived another year.  2014 was not good.  It started out with my father, Bill, passing away on February 18th.  Then, Geri's father passed away on March 20th.  It was tough, as my step-father Jess had passed away in December, 2013.
After all the tragedies, we did have some points of light. Geri's son got married, we added two grandchildren; a boy in Oklahoma and a little girl in Alabama.  In fact, we are thinking of going to Oklahoma for Lauren's birthday, January 11th.
My brother just called this morning, my mother was hospitalized.  We might have to go up there and see what is going on.  Mother is 85, with dementia, and other problems.  I really cannot take any more funerals this year.
BTW, I was diagnosed with cancer on my birthday, July 14th.  I had surgery one month later, and underwent radiation therapy that lasted until November.
Christmas and Hanukkah were lucky respites from all of the drama that was the first part of the years.  Geri, Happy and I are looking forward to a much better year for 2015.
Our friends in South Florida, hopefully, will have a good year.  Brother Evan, still in the salt mines of West Boca HS, is still out there punching in the teaching game.  Alan and Linda Diskin got married and are having a great time.  Alan Knight is still with Bridget, and working at Paradise Bank and doing his weekly radio show on WWNN.
Well, hopefully my next posting will be a lot more comical.  Have to get back to my sarcastic self.
Hope all of my friends and followers have a great New Year for 2015!

It's Almost Hanukkah Y'all!

Well, just sitting here thinking about some Hanukkah songs for the party next week.  I am usually a font of ideas, but this one is a little tougher.  One idea is; "It's Beginning to look a lot like Hanuakkah", sung to the tune of "It's Beginning to look a lot like Christmas".  Well, I have some of the lines, but not the complete tune.  Humor me here:

    It's Beginning to look a lot like Hanukkah!  Everywhere you go.
    There's no tree in the Grand Hotel, no tree in the park, as well.
    No lights, no decorations and no snow!

    It's Beginning to look a lot like Hanukkah!  Eight days of toys in store.
    Frying latkes on the stove, sour cream doled out in droves,
    And applesauce and ketchup by the score.

That's about as far as I got on this one.  However, my faithful readers should know that I have not stopped trying on others.  Perhaps one will come to me.  How about a classic Christmas song, redone for Hanukkah?  Here is a classic, done to the tune, "I'll Be Home for Christmas".

     I'll be home for Hanukkah.  You can count on me.
     There'll be no snow, no mistletoe, eight presents, but no tree.
     The menorah lights will find me, where the Hanukkah light beams.
     I'll be home for Hanukkah and then we both can dream.

Well, that is about it for now.  Have to get some more ideas.  Rabbi, feel free to take these songs, expand on them, and perhaps, let the Kidz Choir have a go at them!
 

Happy New Year 2011

Well, it is the new year, and the old Count is starting off on a new foot. I have made the resolutions, and what is more, I am keeping them! My posts might be a little tamer, but still sarcastic and, hopefully, still witty.
Mrs. Count, myself, and the dachshund, are all set to go see out little grand-daughter in OK. The three day drive is out of control! Hope that the weather co-operates with us. We will be staying with my good friends that I haven't seen in a long time. That will save us considerable money, which is a good thing.
Well, looks like our icebox is giving up the ghost, and we are looking for a new freezer-less icebox. Looks like another expense, OY!
With that last expression, I must mention that Neil Rogers, a beloved South Florida talk show host passed on Christmas Eve. He will be missed. I started listening to Uncle Neil in 1987, the year I came to "paradise", NOT!
Well, this will be short, but hopefully I will post more regularly. This is my venting option, so I should be here more often in the future(considering my resolutions are waiting to burst out).
All my friends, family and outlaws, a Happy New Year!

Saturn Retailer "Jim Phillips" speaks!

You remember me from my last post, don't ya? Well, this time the damned company went OUT OF BUSINESS! No more commercials, no more cars, no more paychecks! What the hell am I supposed to do now? Be the coffee machine man for a Lexus dealership? Hell, at least they are still in business! Brother Evan is right, we need to "split some wigs up in here" and damn fast! This country is going to hell in a Chinese-made handbasket! Hell, maybe Tyler Perry can use me and my family for his next sitcom! Brother Evan has said that he who hesitates isn't going anywhere fast, or some crap like that. You know, Brother Evan changed my life since I started listening to his show. Just yesterday, he called asking for a donation! Donation my ass! I can't even make MY Saturn payment, those bastards are repossessing my new Saturn Aura as we speak! What the hell!
Brother Evan needs money to continue his "ministry" but I'll be damned if I can even give him one dime! He needs money, badly! Listen to the Brother Evan Show on any right-wing radio station in your area, shouldn't be hard, since that is all there is, at around any time(they have a habit of time-shifting his show a lot). Become an advertiser for Brother Evan. Hell, Saturn used to be one, no look at what happened to them! Brother Evan is going to be hosting his own "moneython" on HSN/QVC shortly. Make sure you call often. Praise Brother Evan's Unholy Name! Remember, you can find Brother Evan wherever there is an all-you-can-eat buffett, preferably Chinese, in your area. Brother Evan rarely gets out of the B-D-B Habitatal Area for fear of being pounced on for his views, Praise His Unholy Name! If you happen to see a 10 year old Camry going by, just wave, it might be Brother Evan. He was thinking of going American, but said they are all crap anyway! What the hell? Brother Evan supports our troops around the world, albeit without having served himself, and is a huge supporter of our former VP, Dick Cheney. Brother Evan is starting a Cheney for President site soon, and will, of course, be asking for donations! Brother Evan promises that at LEAST 5% will go to Cheney with the rest going for Brother Evan's massive overhead, hey, he has to make a living also!
Well, got to go service those Keurig machines in the Lexus dealer. Damn, wish I could afford one!